Once I went home with this guy named Brian. He was a barback at Vertigo. Remember Vertigo? I don’t remember too much except that we had sex on a couch under a giant picture of the Nothing’s Shocking cover and he kept telling me to say “I’m coming I’m coming!” The picture was really big,…
Denny’s
It was too difficult and familiar tonight. I didn’t want to call you back but your message said you’d finished rehearsal and you were hungry and wanted to meet us. You joined our table, tried to join in our laughter. The lights are bright at Denny’s. It’s not junkie light. Not the kind of place…
SFV: Sanctuary
The valley’s not really magic. When I was a kid I thought it was, because when you drive north on the 405 there’s a moment when you come over the hill and you see the valley laid out beneath you. At night the lights on the buildings glitter red and white and yellow. Those San…
The Soft Underbelly
Sex became my way of connecting with the world; of feeling human. At the same time, it also kept me safely insulated. I’m not sure why I liked it that way but I think it might be because too many men died and I didn’t want to feel that kind of pain anymore.
Las Vegas: Sanctuary
Las Vegas: I drove through the night to get here. I left LA at two in the morning which is the best time to leave for Vegas; the air is cooler through the passes and your car is less likely to overheat. I tried to time it so that I could watch the changing colors…
Las Vegas: Resistance is Futile.
Once I came to Vegas with a vegan friend. We ate at the Bellagio buffet and all he could do was stare at tourists in disgust. Fat people consuming and consuming. Sometimes people would fill two trays at a time and bring them back to their table. He found something to eat — sauteed vegetables,…
Jill, Family.
Last night I was at Jill’s apartment in Hollywood. We were shooting oxy’s and talking about childhood. Jill grew up in a wealthy, chaotic home. She had an older brother and an older sister. Her dad had a high-up position at Fedex and was rarely home. Her mom was kind of crazy, Jill said, like…
Perfecting the Addiction.
I met Jill in rehab. She was from Tennessee and was an all American girl: long blonde hair, blue eyes, southern accent, denim mini skirt and uggs. She was in her early twenties and an opiate and benzo addict. She came into rehab after doing a year on methadone. She had never tried heroin. Jill…
semi-subversive in Los Angeles
I used to live in a Spanish style duplex near the Beverly Center. Whenever anyone asked where I lived I would say Hollywood because it was a million times cooler than saying “near the Beverly Center,” or “between West Hollywood and Beverly Hills.” When we hear Hollywood we think of kids on the street and…
Jimmy
Sometimes, late, we go to this dark little coffeehouse off Hollywood Blvd called The Hotel. There’s a pool table with broken cues and a free jukebox. They sell panini sandwiches, perrier, Italian sodas and all kinds of coffee drinks. You’re allowed to smoke inside. The Hotel is on a street lined with bars so it’s…
Return.
Clocks tick more loudly here, and more slowly. Time moves so differently that the events that make up your day have become meaningless; more boring than ordinary. It’s quiet, insular, and safe here. The neighborhood is protected by walls made with decorative bricks. At the entrance there is a sign that reads Crestview in fancy…
Nineteen
It was hot in my bedroom this afternoon. I was lying on the bed looking out the window at the sky intersected by telephone wires. I was sprawled out uncovered and I started remembering. A day like this a long time ago. In Mexico. I was lying on a stained mattress in the middle of…
Allison McCabe 